Picture this. You wake up, starving for a fresh, delicious breakfast. You go to make yourself oatmeal and begin to look through your fridge to find milk. You realize you’re out and need to resort to water instead. After cooking, you realize the water has left your bowl of oatmeal goopy and watery. Had you used milk, you would have had a nice, creamy bowl of oatmeal in front of you. This aftermath results in you apprehensively stomaching your breakfast that morning. 

This is why oatmeal should always be made with milk instead of water. Situations like the one above have been affecting millions for far too long. I don’t care what you have to do to get to the store. Whether it be you out-driving the cops as they’re chasing you down the highway during a high-speed chase because you wanted to get to the store or a zombie apocalypse with hundreds of dead people walking around trying to attack you. It will all be worth it in the end when you’re able to enjoy that delicious bowl of oatmeal. 

Sadly, there are people out there who are lactose intolerant. That means they can’t eat or drink any dairy products, the big one being milk. But don’t fret! There are milk alternatives available like oat milk or almond milk so that you’re still able to have some sort of milk there for your oatmeal needs. I know you lactose intolerant people thought you could get away with not using milk for your oatmeal, but too bad. This just proves that you have no excuse for using any other liquid to hydrate your oats. 

I decided to have a discussion with my little sister, Ella Miehlke, who used to be allergic to dairy to prove that, although she couldn’t have regular milk, alternatives were just as good.

“First, why would you use water anyways,” Miehlke said. “[Using water] made me die inside a little bit and it made me want to throw up in my mouth every time I thought about using water instead of milk.” 

She then continued on by discussing how the milk alternatives bought for her varied in taste, but was still better than water.

“With the almond milk I had, it tasted sweeter than milk,” Miehlke said. “There was also milk [my] dad bought me that tasted like regular milk and didn’t change the taste [of oatmeal] at all.” 

This just shows that if Ella Miehlke was able to stomach and push through 4-5 years of using these alternatives to eat her oatmeal, you, actual lactose intolerant people can do it for the rest of your lives and I don’t want to hear you all complain about it either.

Lastly, towards the end of the interview, we found out some shocking news from our interviewee.

“Literally, I wasn’t even lactose intolerant at all,” Miehlke said. “I just wanted to see how long I could go without ice cream for, but that ended up being a mistake once [my] mom and dad only allowed me to have two scoops using those tiny frozen yogurt spoons.”

This means that Ella Miehlke sacrificed herself for science to which the results are inconclusive seeing as how the experiment didn’t last long enough to record data, but what we did learn was that milk is superior compared to the bland liquid known as water.

Hope to see you next time where I possibly discuss other monstrosities on this planet, for example, drinking orange juice while eating cereal or brushing your teeth before eating breakfast.